When I first started this series, I was eager to see where each letter would take me and how they would make me feel. While I wrote each letter, I tried not to touch upon every single traumatic event that occurred in each stage of my life. Instead, I chose to focus on how I felt and what I needed to hear at the time. It was emotional but it was also liberating. Stepping back into my past selves and trying to process emotions I have only just begun to understand as of lately was heavy. When I was younger, I never spoke my mind. I never told anyone how I felt, ever. I’m a recovering bottler– I bottle up my feelings until I can’t stuff them down anymore. Which typically results in me exploding in a negative way.
But since I’ve written these letters, I’ve gone back and re-read them over a few times in order. I’ve been able to step away from myself and get a better picture of who I’ve been and who I want to be. It hasn’t been easy, and it won’t get any easier. But what’s different now is that I know where I’ve been hurt and now I know where to begin my Healing Journey. This was my first step–being honest with myself and holding myself accountable by revealing everything on this blog. I could have written this in a journal somewhere, sure–but I know that right now I lack the self discipline in I would need in order to keep the series going. It took a little longer than the 7 weeks I had planned for, but I still completed the Scarlet Seven.
Some of you reading now, got here because something about The Scarlet Seven Letters spoke to you. Something about my journey might have inspired you, or at the very least, sparked your interest. Thank you for listening to each part of me the way no one else has ever tried to. This was not easy for me but I know where I’m headed on the next stop in my journey: self forgiveness. It’s going to take some time but I know that once I forgive myself, I can truly begin to forgive others, and move on from all my traumas. I’ll get there. And if you’re still reading, we’ll get there together.
I am not my pain. I am my Strength. I am not my trauma. I am my Peace. That’s what makes me a Phoenix.