The Next Chapter: Rise

Artwork by Finding Fenix

I know that we are 7 days into the New Year, however; today marks the beginning of a new chapter for me—my Birthday. Chapter 28 tested my strength, my faith—and quite frankly, my patience. This last year has been an expedition. But I made it. I’m still here. There may have been times where I didn’t want to keep pushing through the storm but I did that shit. I did it. No one can take that away from me. Even if I cried, complained, screamed, etc—I did it. For some weeks now I have been asking myself what do I have to show for the last year? And I have been coming up empty. But now I see that everything Chapter 28 put me through was so that I could make it to 29 stronger, healthier, wiser.  

28 taught me that I have the drive to change. 28 taught me that I am still Healing. I made a lot of mistakes in Chapter 28 but what I have learned is that I can let those mistakes break me …or I can own them and allow them to make me better. Chapter 28 informed me that the way I have been living my life has not been productive to the woman I want to be spiritually, physically, or financially. I’m taking the lessons from Chapter 28 into this 29th Chapter—this last year in my 20s—to grow and heal. 

In the last year, I’ve lost 50 pounds. Through no real work on my part at all. I lost it in some of the most unhealthy ways: being overworked, not eating and being stressed out. But now, I’m choosing to eat better and more often. Now I go to the gym and stretch. I’m doing what feels good for my body. I’m also trying to drink more tea than coffee because no likes caffeine induced anxiety in addition to regular anxiety.

I can’t remember a time where I struggled so hard financially. I have never been the best with money, but something about this last year just really kicked my ass. But what I learned is that you can work all the hours in the world (which is me in a nutshell) and still have nothing to show for it. Unless you create and stick to a budget. Just a few days ago, I sat down and really looked at where my money has been going over just the last month and I was appalled. So I created a budget that works for me and I am actually excited to see where it takes me. According to my calculations, I’m getting my financial life together in Chapter 29.

Since the passing of my Grandmother, I have struggled spiritually. Her death made me question everything I thought I knew about whoever God is and how I fit into the Universe. Throughout the last year, I have dabbled and researched and I’ve discovered that everything I have been looking for, lives within me. I am a Goddess. A witch. I can create my own magic and I am a product of Stardust and the women who came before me. I’m walking into Chapter 29 with knowledge of healing crystals, tarot cards, astrology, and sage. 

Chapter 28 was hard on me. Emotionally and mentally. I took more bullshit than I’d like to admit but I am better for it. I lost sleep and tears over people who certainly weren’t doing the same for me. At times I trusted the wrong people too much and the right people, too little. I hardly trusted myself. There were times where the people I should have been able to trust belittled me and made me think that I was crazy. My mental health was used against me as a weapon. 

Let me be very clear: I am not Chapter 28. I have turned the page. It is a new chapter. Chapter 29. I am the only author in this story and there will be no ghostwriters or guests speakers. This is my show. Folks will like it or they won’t. But I am learning that I need to be okay with myself either way. I need to live for me. I can’t be worried about someone else’s opinion of me. Opinions aren’t facts. I cannot be burdened with trying to control someone else’s version of reality—none of us live in the same reality. Chapter 28 taught me that everything isn’t personal and everything isn’t about me—when it comes to other people’s views. 

The only thing I am worried about in Chapter 29 is loving myself more, creating more, and doing something everyday that lights a fire within me in the most positive way. 

It’s time to Rise.